No more hiding it, here's the whole story....

I have Cancer... it's not serious, it's complicated...

I decided that I am going to come to terms with the fact that I have cancer and I have a right to be mad about it! No more hiding it, no more pretending that everything's ok! So writing about it is how I'm going to get out my frustrations!

So here it is... from the beginning...

At the beginning of November I was 10 weeks pregnant, I had some bleeding so I went to the ER, the stellar(insert sarcasm) ER doctors at the Army hospital told me I was fine, I wasn't having a miscarriage and sent me home with a follow up in the OB clinic the next day. At the time I thought the follow up was ridiculous since I had been told everything was fine... After hours of waiting to be seen in the clinic b/c the ER failed to do the correct lab work it was finally my turn! Of course I get this young Resident who does my exam, while I'm spread eagle on the exam table for the second time in 2 days I here a "hmmmm." Great, just what you want to hear while someone's staring at your who-ha! He then tells me he's sees something on my cervix, but he's not sure what it is, so he's going to get someone else to look at... so as I lay on the table half-naked, I start to get nervous... your cervix is what holds the baby in... this can't be good... So another Dr comes in to take a peak, she then gets another Dr to look, I should have started to charge admission! After numerous Dr take a look they all decide I need to be seen by the Oncologist as soon as possible because I have a tumor on my cervix, a TUMOR, please explain to me how the ER missed this!

So the following week I saw the Oncologist, Dr. Whitcomb and his Resident Dr. Braden, I loved both of them, they were great! They did a biopsy the first day I met them to see if they could get a definitive diagnosis, hoping it was just a polyp or fibroid, neither of which are serious. The following week I went back to the Oncologist for my results, it wasn't a polyp or fibroid, but they couldn't rule out cancer, they need to remove it surgically. Seriously... I'm pregnant and you want to remove something attached to my cervix?? So it was decided that we would wait until I was 14weeks pregnant which put me at less risk of a miscarriage, but that fell over Thanksgiving weekend so I had to wait until the following week... in the mean time I couldn't eat and I cried all the time, I really didn't want to wait, I could have skipped Thanksgiving! Thank God my mother-in-law was here to help around the house, I was pretty useless! So finally surgery day had arrived....

My mom flew in to be there for my surgery and for when I got my results. I had to stay the night at the hospital so it was nice to have an extra set of hands to help with Addy, who does not understand why mommy doesn't want to play and is grumpy all the time! Thank goodness for her grandmothers! I was all jokes and smiles until I got to the pre-op area... as soon as the anesthesiologist walked over to my bedside I started crying and didn't stop until they put me to sleep! Oh, and getting an epidural while not in labor hurts WAY worse than getting one while your in labor, just incase anyone was wondering! The surgery went great, the tumor was removed, they weren't able to remove all of it because it actually went into my cervix, but the majority was gone and there were absolutely NO complications! The baby was fine and so was I! So once again, we wait another week to get the results...

"It's Cancer" The exact words that came out Dr. Whitcomb's mouth before he even said hi, how are you! So immediately we started talking about our options for the pregnancy and treatment and anything else you can think of, but I barely remember the conversation (I now bring a pad of paper and pen to my appointments!) I was told I need follow ups with him every 3 weeks and monthly MRI's. I was headed to Florida the next day so Dr. Braden, his awesome Resident, got me booked that same day for my MRI, she even called me that evening to tell me my MRI was fine and there weren't any signs of the cancer spreading so I wouldn't worry about it while I was on vacation! So that brings me to this week and Dr. Whitcomb's new Resident...

So this week I met Dr. Whitcomb's new Resident Dr. Zoltz, super nice guy, but he's really aggravating me! I was told by Dr. Braden that I wouldn't need separate OB appointments, that she would take care of it, but now I'm told I need to be followed by a separate OB Dr, no big deal. Dr. Zoltz set up numerous consults for me with Maternal Fetal Medicine, Neonatologist and I though with Complicated OB (COB) Dr's, but when I asked he said he didn't set up a COB consult I contacted my regular OB for an appointment.... I went it to see her today and she told me I can't be seen by her, I need to be seen by COB! I tried to address that yesterday... strike one Dr. Zoltz! Then I'm told to have my MRI next week, which I already knew, I asked him to put the order in for ASAP b/c MRI doesn't usually have any openings, he told me that if there was an issue to call and let him know and he would take care of it, instead of just putting in the order for ASAP... surprise, surprise, MRI can't get me in next week so I have called and left 2 messages for him to get it changed, I haven't heard back from him... strike two Dr. Zoltz... I'm really not confident in this new Residents abilities, I hope he fixes his issues soon. It's not smart to piss off a pregnant woman, it's just plain stupid to piss off a pregnant woman with cancer!

So for now, I have Dr. appointments every week, my MRI isn't until the 19th, hopefully it will be sooner, since it is my health and the health of my baby that's in jeopardy...

So how things stand as of now... We were asked if we wanted to terminate the pregnancy and start treatment right away, but how do you choose between your health and your unborn child, trust me, it's not was easy as you think! We decided that depending on the MRI results we would make a decision. My initial MRI showed the cancer was only in my cervix so we are keeping the pregnancy and will take our chances... Unfortunately my cancer is more aggressive than most cervical cancers, but we are hopeful that it will stay put! Terminating is not an option for us at this point, she moves around and kicks and has a strong heartbeat, she is healthy and the cancer will not harm her at all. They will have to deliver me early, probably around 32 weeks... I am 20 weeks pregnant right now. A baby is viable at 24 weeks, I am a NICU nurse, I've seen the good and I've seen the bad. Hopefully my MRI's will remain clean and we can make it to 32 weeks, but I know the risks... After I deliver they will do a radical hysterectomy, most cervical cancer are cured with the hysterectomy, but they'll biopsy all of the tissue removed and see if I need radiation or chemo, or both, or neither.

I have Cancer, and I'm ok with it. It sucks, but it could be worse... I am blessed to have such an amazing husband who has stood by me while I've cried, while I've been a mad, and has been to every Dr appointment, and there's been a lot! I may have cancer, and I'll never understand 'why me and why now' but I'm dealing with it!